Closure

I may  have been putting off this final post because I was afraid to revisit this ordeal. I may have been too busy, or I may have been surrounded by friends and family who helped us not dwell and obsess over what we went though. Maybe my brain, heart and soul needed a break. Regardless, it has been 1 year 5 months and 2 weeks since the last post. I had been asked by several readers what was the outcome of all of this. I apologize for it taking so long, but here it is...

Once we received word on getting to come back home to the mainland, we felt as if a weight had been lifted. We were so excited and relieved to come back to a place we could feel safe. We went through so much in Hawaii. (That which left scars both mentally and physically.) We made it home to the mainland November 15, 2014. There was an instant sigh of relief once the plane landed.

We stayed busy looking for a house, and waiting on household goods the first few weeks. Just before Christmas a snag arose, where my husband was told he was up for a review that could potentially have him discharged from the military without benefits or any retirement options. We were terrified once again! We weren't even officially signed into the new Unit! A few phone calls later and the review was able to be pushed back to the next quarter. Enough time to be under the new command and get all his ducks in a row. He was able to find out what, when and why of the review, and what options he would or would not have.

Our optimism from returning home wavered. It once again was like a roller coaster of emotions. At least this time the highs and lows were spaced farther apart. At least this time we were closer to friends and family.

Once the review board date came and handed down the decision, it was another weight lifted. The decision was forced retirement at 20 years. Meaning, even if my husband wanted to do more than 20 years, he could not. He still retires with his benefits/pay. This was good news. I know some people wouldn't say it is, but for us it was wonderful. There was no more guessing of what was going to happen. No more wondering how long will we be in the military. It was decided for us.

With that, my husband found peace and a path to focus on. He is finishing a Master's degree while we wait for the retirement date to arrive. October 31st, 2017 will be his retirement date. The days of resentment and depression are waning. We have more days that are full of happiness than sadness. I do believe time heals all wounds. The further we get from "Hawaii" the more it feels like a bad dream.

The aftermath we deal with now, is staying healthy and on top of his post surgical issues. A lot happens when a large chunk of your colon is removed. It's a process, but we are getting through it.

Looking back, it feels like a lifetime ago. It hasn't even been 2 years. We survived it best we could. The most important thing now is enjoying what we have. We are fortunate. We are better than we were before this ordeal. That is what counts.

Thank you to everyone who shared this blog, or reached out to us and shared your similar experience. It was comforting to know we weren't the only ones. I hope on some level when people come across this blog it lets them know they are not alone as well.

Stress: What doesn't kill you makes you...get surgery?

It’s been quite awhile since the last post. Something happened that took us all by surprise. I guess the stress finally took its toll and got the best of my husbands health. He was admitted to the hospital because of a worsening case of diverticulitis that resulted in major abdominal surgery. The surgery was a success and he is finally home to finish healing.

Three weeks ago I felt like the hits just kept on coming. It was like I was in a boxing match and for every punch I threw, I got a “one-two” combo right back at me. My husband spent 13 days in the hospital. Half of which was post-op recovery. Every afternoon after my son was dismissed from school, we drove over to Tripler hospital. We visited nearly everyday. The kids asked everyday when daddy was coming home, and all I could say was, “I hope soon.” 

I was at the hospital the day of the surgery. A good friend of mine watched my children the whole day. The IPAP students we are friends with were there. They kept me updated, brought me lunch (even though I couldn’t stomach much), and gave me support while I waited. I am so grateful for their kindness, prayers, and assistance. The surgical team was wonderful and I couldn’t have asked for a better set of hands in the OR. (My husband’s last rotation before being put on “clinical hold” was surgery. The surgeon assigned to his case was one he admired and learned from during his rotation. It was a comfort to me knowing he trusted his doctor fully.) The nursing staff that took care of my husband was also incredible. I’m thankful to all of them for the jobs they do everyday. 

I had family and friends from the mainland asking if I needed anything and they would do their best to help in any way they could. Our friends here also offered their help and support. It wasn’t until after my husband was home that I realized I had heard not one word from his command, (I’m guessing it would be his Company Commander or First Sgt.). I never received a phone call asking if my family needed anything, or if we were doing ok, nothing. I suppose I’m not surprised. For all I know they were forbidden to speak with my husband or me because of the Congressional Investigation. Even if that was the case it doesn’t stop me from believing how awful they truly are. It only proves to me they are concerned about themselves. They couldn't care less about the soldiers they “lead”; to include their soldiers’ families. Investigation or not, if they cared at all about doing the right thing, they would have found someone to check in on the welfare of myself and my family while he was hospitalized for 13 days! 

My mother-in-law has been a rock for us during this ordeal. I asked if she would write her thoughts/feelings so that I may post it on this blog. Here is what she had to say:

     "As I think about the events of the past months and how much they have impacted my son and his family, the phrase that sums it up is “morally reprehensible”. The AMEDDC&S command and the chain of command, from the Brigadier General on down has in essence thrown away my son. He came to Tripler with the desire to become a Physician's Assistant and within 9 weeks of graduation from the program, it was taken from him. I believe than in an effort to break his spirit they used a tactic I would consider psychological warfare. From the 2^nd of July through the 19^th of September, he was isolated in the hospital library, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Unable to continue his clinical rotation, not in contact with the other students (many afraid for their own futures distanced themselves from him), little or no information from the school as to whether or not he would be allowed to continue. No one inquired as to his well being, state of mind, or his health; specifically his diverticulitis which began to flare up under this extreme intense stress. The school, which has medical personnel, is well aware of the toll  stress can take on a body, never checked to see if he was okay. Well, in fact he was not okay! On Sept. 21^st he was admitted to the hospital for the diverticulitis that was so serious that on Friday Sept. 26^th he required major abdominal surgery. I hold, in part,  this command, the school, and in particular his former commanding officer who started this petty and vindictive action, responsible for this medical exacerbation of his diverticulitis. My daughter-in-law had told me that no one from the school or command ever made an attempt to see how she was doing, if she needed anything while my son was hospitalized, nor did they ever contact my son. Again, this is an indication of the lack of concern for someone in their command. 
As a result, there is an official inquiry into the actions of this command and the school. I wanted revenge initially, I wanted a severe and humiliating punishment to be visited upon these people for what they have done.  I was absolutely sure that I would never be able to forgive them. But I do not want to become that type of person. I want justice for my son and I want this inquiry to shine a light on a poisonous and uncaring command so that others will not have to experience the ordeal my son has. 
This situation has exposed the shameful and disgraceful behavior of those who are supposed to be the leaders. The young men and women under this type of command will not be encouraged to excel or be given positive examples to emulate. My son told me that a real leader is someone who is more concerned with those under his command rather than those above. The responsibility of a true leader is to provide encouragement, support, listen, demonstrate how to correct a mistake, help to foster loyalty, and be the example of the high standards he expects from them. 
This ignoble action has disgraced the Army and shamed those responsible. Our military has now suffered the proverbial “black eye”. When a soldier is asked to give his heart and his life for his country, he should expect to be supported by those commanding him. There is a strong sense that the Army has betrayed my son and I have to wonder how many others have also been betrayed. When I watch the commercials for the Army, I no longer feel a sense of pride, but rather dismay and sadness that there will soldiers that fight for truth but it will not be accorded to them; fight for fairness, but it will be denied to them.
I will continue to contact the media in an effort to make this public. Sometimes, it takes national exposure and embarrassment to effect a change.
I am proud of my son and  his family, particularly his wife, my “4th” daughter for the way they have conducted themselves throughout this ordeal. This speaks highly of their character,.The families of this command are not able to say the same and I doubt that the mothers of this Captain (who instigated this), this Brigadier General (who obviously signed off on a career tarnishing document without examining the so called evidence  and who violated the Open Door Policy),  and the other commanders at the school would be able to say that they are proud of their conduct."

I couldn’t agree more. 

Thankfully, we received word on a report date back to the mainland. Thank God!  We will be leaving this place soon and be with like minded people once again. It will be a breath of fresh air and we can finally let go of the demons that have haunted us here at Tripler Army Medical Center and AMEDDC&S.  

Our Journey Continues

This has been an emotionally hard journey for us. When I started this blog, it was to vent and hopefully get the word out about toxic leadership at Tripler. I had no idea it would have turned into such a daunting battle. I am so fortunate to have supportive family and friends.  Especially my mother-in-law who is just as enraged as I am about this situation. (A Mother's Letter to the General)

My husband, who has served in the Marines and then the Army, will have 17 years of active duty service come October 2014. He has dedicated his life to serving his country. He had a plan to progress from Special Forces Army Medic to a Physician Assistant (PA). This was the most logical step, being that he loved medicine, and he loved caring for his soldiers. He had hoped to go back to SF someday as a PA, before planning on retiring. He also thought being a PA as a civilian, once retired from the military, would be a great way to support our family. 

*He loved, he hoped, he planned. 

This journey has brought pain, confusion, doubt, tears, rage, disappointment and awareness to my husband and myself. My husband and I learned that not all sections of the military are created equal. Where you find reasonable people in one place, you may not in another. Had we known the personality conflicts would be this great we never would have decided to go the “PA route”. We would have understood that AMEDD is a place not suited for some personalities. A person who is a leader, strong willed, not afraid to stand up for what is right, not afraid to face the enemy, (someone with a dominating personality perhaps?), will most likely not survive this area of the Army.

Life is about learning from mistakes. Life is also about standing up for what is right. 

My husband made a mistake. His punishment DOES NOT fit the “crime”. A permanent GOMOR is way beyond the level of punishment my husband deserved. Yet, a General saw fit to issue one. A General who refused to meet with my husband before he made his final decision. A General who sided with a Captain holding a grudge against my husband. What this General did was wrong and the way he went about it was deplorable!

I was informed by an ExO of the AMEDD command in Ft. Sam that the IPAP directors were planning to relieve him of PA school if the GOMOR was filed permanently. (It is of their own decision and there is NO regulation stating they HAD to relieve him.) For me to get that information, I had to call this man’s office freaking out and crying like a crazy Army wife! Yes, I did. I broke. I NEEDED answers. I got them finally. 

On Sept. 11, 2014 my husband was officially told he was relieved from IPAP. He was given 3 days to appeal. We decided together not to appeal and email the school stating this. Why not appeal? Well, two reasons:

1. We know from experience their minds were made up on the decision to relieve him because of the permanent GOMOR. Appealing would only keep us under AMEDD and Tripler Command that much longer.
2. *The love, the hope, the plans have been burnt into a pile of ash now blowing in the wind. There is NO passion for medicine left within my husband. He has realized this was not the path he was meant for. 

What happens next?

We are waiting for the school to finalize his relief from the program. After which he will get orders back to SF. This is the happy part of a 2 year journey laced with toxic leadership and failed dreams. At least we can go back to a place we love, a work environment he loves and a support system that goes beyond our blood relatives. We will be with family again. He will be with brothers again. We will be home.

The fight is not over, however. There is the matter of that pesky little letter called a GOMOR. I, along with friends and family, will be on the campaign to have it rescinded. This GOMOR was, has and will always be a prime example of the toxic leadership at Tripler Army Medical Center, under that General. 

Let the Storm Begin!!!

There is a line in every mothers life that may or may not be crossed. That very line has been crossed and shat on by Tripler Army Medical Command, specifically the General of Pacific Regional Medical Command.

 A letter to the General along with nearly 300 other members of the government and media had been mailed out via U.S. Postal Mail Service Monday night, September 1, 2014. This letter is from my husbands mother. I support her whole heartedly and wish I could have helped more in the effort.

Thank you "mamma bear" for protecting your cub! The letters from NY have been rumored to make landfall in Hawaii!

You, my reader, can click here to view the letter sent out.

A Mother's Letter to the General

Send in the Clowns!

I am sitting here shaking my head. I still cannot understand how these people are allowed to be in the positions they are in. I can’t believe that a General has decided not only to file the GOMOR, but file it permanently! 

The General would NOT EVEN MEET WITH MY HUSBAND TO HEAR HIS SIDE! The General refused his request to a meeting! That's wrong, and goes against AR 600-20 2-2 (Open Door Policy)!!

"To the General: 
     You sir, are a COWARD. You don’t even have the nerve to look my husband in the eye and tell him what he did was worthy of a GOMOR, because you know it is a bunch of bull! 
                                         -Jamie B."

How can a General hand down a career altering decision without knowing all sides of the story? Why was the company commander supported in this decision? Why was the first GOMOR rescinded for a new one? Why is so much effort being put into punishing my husband over a piddly matter? Where was the support for my husband? 

This is absolutely despicable of the General and his command at Tripler Army Medical Center. 

After the first GOMOR was rescinded, and we saw the second, we knew what was trying to be achieved. The first GOMOR was to be filed locally, but I guess that wasn’t good enough. The General rescinded it to give a new one. (See GOMOR 2.0) At that moment, we knew they were going for a permanent filing of a GOMOR. (So, add more nonsense to a rescinded GOMOR to make a new GOMOR that can be put in a permanent file? WTF?)

The fact of the matter is my husband made a mistake and these clowns turned it into a side show circus act! One company commander with a grudge can throw you under the bus, all because she doesn’t like your opinion? I’m sorry, I thought this was America! I was under the impression we all had the right to our own opinion? It was the company commanders OPINION that my husband was disrespectful in an email. Well, it is my OPINION (and everyone else who read the email and knows the story) that he was NOT disrespectful. It’s a matter of opinion, and the only one the General saw fit to even consider was the company commanders’. Toxic, toxic, toxic!

To expedite the process of "exiting" the PA program, my husband requested to resign from the program just after official word was given on the GOMOR. The school said, "No!" The school won't let him resign and won't kick him out...what is going on??!!!  

Just give us the decision!! Allow my family closure so we can move on with our lives. 

The collusion in this chain of command is mind boggling. Is this the way of AMEDD? I for one am so happy this is all coming to an end. I would be very embarrassed to be a part of this division in the Army. It reeks of posers. It is nauseating.

Over the passed two years I have learned that AMEDDC&S, along with Tripler Army Medical Center Troop Command, is infested with cowardice, fake, weak, two-faced people riding too high on their horses. No humbleness to speak of. A bunch of peacocks running around trying to exert any power they can conjure up, displaying a false image of authority. 

26 Days: Part I

It’s been 26 days since I started this blog. (It feels like a whole lot more!) Time creeps here in Hawaii for us because we are in a standstill. It’s harder some days than others. The frustration comes from not knowing what is happening next. There has been no word on the filing of the GOMOR . No word whether or not my husband will be able to continue the military’s Physician Assistant program. 

Without knowing what is going to happen next, I feel as if I am in limbo. It’s a struggle when you aren’t told what is going to happen to your family or when. If all of “this” wasn’t happening, I would be preparing my family to move to our next duty station come October. Now I don’t know when we are to move, or where. I tell myself, “It will happen when it happens”.

Answers. It’s all I want. I don’t care what the answer is, I just want one! I wait and wait and wait. Patience is running out and I have to find ways to fill it up again. 

I started this blog to be heard and to vent my frustrations. It feels great to get my thoughts out of my head and see the words on the screen. It feels scary to hit the “publish” button every time I post. I always ask myself, “I am doing the right thing? Am I going too far?” 

I stop and think. 

I think about all we have gone through. One time always comes to mind. Two months ago, my husband and I were talking. It was a long conversation about our morals and who were are as a family. We reflected a lot on who we are, who we want to be, who we want our children to be proud of. We realized we allowed too much evil and hate into our lives. That is not who we are or wanted to be. Never had we experienced a situation like this. A situation that made us doubt ourselves as parents, people, and patriots. I am embarrassed to say, that 2 months ago I had gotten to the point where I wanted to give up and run and hide. We let this command and the situation make us believe we should be afraid and not stand up for what is right. That moment was when I decided I would NEVER allow my family or myself to be put in that position again.

I stop again. I breathe. I think. 

Then I remember other people out there in the same boat. I think of the soldiers who were bullied out of their positions and told not to put up a fight. Other soldiers sitting in Army “detention” awaiting their fate because of menial mistakes. Waiting to hear if they will have a military career. They sit. They wait. They worry. They cry. 

I ask myself again, “I am doing the right thing?” 

I say, “YES!” 

I click “publish post”. I click it. I share it. I text message it. I e-mail it. I find other bloggers. I talk to everyone I know. I use my voice! I exercise my First Amendment Right. That is what I do to get through this craziness. 

“What is it like for your husband?”  So glad you asked!

…see 26 Days Part II

26 Days: Part II

What has my husband done to fight for his career? 

He did the only thing he can. He went through his chain of command. (That wasn’t looking favorable being he felt part of the problem was in his chain of command.) What he did next write to congress asking for a “Congressional Inquiry”. Not only has he contacted his congress representatives from NC, family members did the same in other states. He wrote to Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina, Congresswoman Renee Ellmers of North Carolina, and Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii.

Letters and phone calls went to the New York congress by family members. Phone calls were made to North Carolina by family members to voice their concerns for our situation as well. 

What does letter writing and some phone calls accomplish? This:

It’s called support from Congress! 

He has received notice from the offices:

From the office of United States Senator Richard Burr, NC stating “I have contacted the appropriate officials at the Department of the Army to express my interest in your case.”

From the office of US Congresswoman Renee Ellmers, NC, stating “We received a response today from the Pentagon stating the inquiry has been initiated.”

From the office of US Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard, HI, stating “We have sent an official inquiry to the Pacific Regional Medical Command on your behalf, requesting they review and reconsider their stance.”

It’s a bit of happiness knowing they listened to his side of the story and understood something might be sour here in Hawaii. It is hope. 

I wasn’t sure what was going to happen when my husband wrote to congress asking for them to look into the matters here at Tripler Army Medical Center. I was elated to open the mailbox and see the letter from the Senators’ office. I felt like dancing! It was the most I had felt excited about our government since I registered to vote when I was 18. The government says they are there for the people, and now I believe them. 

I am so grateful for the support from family, friends and you, my readers. I am elated that our congress has decided to take action on our behalf. 

This is not over by any means. It is the beginning of a long journey, a journey to set an example for all soldiers and their families to stand up to toxic leadership!