26 Days: Part I

It’s been 26 days since I started this blog. (It feels like a whole lot more!) Time creeps here in Hawaii for us because we are in a standstill. It’s harder some days than others. The frustration comes from not knowing what is happening next. There has been no word on the filing of the GOMOR . No word whether or not my husband will be able to continue the military’s Physician Assistant program. 

Without knowing what is going to happen next, I feel as if I am in limbo. It’s a struggle when you aren’t told what is going to happen to your family or when. If all of “this” wasn’t happening, I would be preparing my family to move to our next duty station come October. Now I don’t know when we are to move, or where. I tell myself, “It will happen when it happens”.

Answers. It’s all I want. I don’t care what the answer is, I just want one! I wait and wait and wait. Patience is running out and I have to find ways to fill it up again. 

I started this blog to be heard and to vent my frustrations. It feels great to get my thoughts out of my head and see the words on the screen. It feels scary to hit the “publish” button every time I post. I always ask myself, “I am doing the right thing? Am I going too far?” 

I stop and think. 

I think about all we have gone through. One time always comes to mind. Two months ago, my husband and I were talking. It was a long conversation about our morals and who were are as a family. We reflected a lot on who we are, who we want to be, who we want our children to be proud of. We realized we allowed too much evil and hate into our lives. That is not who we are or wanted to be. Never had we experienced a situation like this. A situation that made us doubt ourselves as parents, people, and patriots. I am embarrassed to say, that 2 months ago I had gotten to the point where I wanted to give up and run and hide. We let this command and the situation make us believe we should be afraid and not stand up for what is right. That moment was when I decided I would NEVER allow my family or myself to be put in that position again.

I stop again. I breathe. I think. 

Then I remember other people out there in the same boat. I think of the soldiers who were bullied out of their positions and told not to put up a fight. Other soldiers sitting in Army “detention” awaiting their fate because of menial mistakes. Waiting to hear if they will have a military career. They sit. They wait. They worry. They cry. 

I ask myself again, “I am doing the right thing?” 

I say, “YES!” 

I click “publish post”. I click it. I share it. I text message it. I e-mail it. I find other bloggers. I talk to everyone I know. I use my voice! I exercise my First Amendment Right. That is what I do to get through this craziness. 

“What is it like for your husband?”  So glad you asked!

…see 26 Days Part II

I will NOT go away!!!

I believe people should stand up for what is right. I am in the right to defend myself and my family when someone tries to hurt us. I will not go away. I am determined to expose the truth about the lies, complacency, incompetence and ignorance that festers through the so called “leadership” at Tripler. 

There is one person who I want to address more than anyone since she is now aware of this blog. 

“To the woman who knows who she is, 

Aren’t you aware that you are supposed PROTECT your soldiers!?! You are not just dealing with a person in a uniform, you are dealing with his entire family. You destroyed the peace in my household by spreading your ignorance and holding a grudge. Maybe I am being a little harsh. Maybe this is the kind of “Army” you are used to, one that steps on the hearts and minds of those beneath her just to be a little closer to the top. That is NOT how the world works lady! You are supposed to take care of your own and not throw them under the bus. I feel sorry for anyone in your command. I’m sorry they have not the courage nor the gall to stand up to you and challenge your wrongful ways, visions and ideas. 

I have never met you and frankly, I don’t care to. I can only hope and pray to our Lord that you will take the time to see the destruction you have caused. I am certain my family is not the only one left floating in your wake of incompetence. I can only hope that you learn from your mistakes, fix them and make amends. You are responsible for American soldiers and all that encompasses their success. You need to start acting like a leader, and not someones well-groomed puppet. 

Jamie B.”

I’m so frustrated at the fact that the Army is allowing non-sense like this to occur over a document with an error which was submitted by my husband. A document that never should have been given to him in the first place by a civilian who was his healthcare provider and preceptor!!! A lousy piece of paper stating he was injured and could not perform a Physical Fitness Test. A test he has never missed, failed, or just done the BARE minimum. The error was fixed in 15 minutes, yet this “leader” pushed through for my husband to be formally reprimanded by the General. Her excuse? “Something had to be done.”  All command involved should be ASHAMED of themselves. I am embarrassed to be a part of this kind of Army. My husband is more than embarrassed, he is heartbroken! All he intended to do was to serve his country and take care of soldiers. They have scarred not only him, but the rest of us that know about these heinous acts. I will doubt them always. This command has proven to be the worst group of people I have ever met in my life!!

Suffering 2-gether

I asked my husband last night, "Can we please have one day where we don't talk or think about this stress?" He was more than happy to say yes.

It has been such a wonderful day. I was able to enjoy life with my kids and husband. No talking about the "stress". No debating on "what we should do". No over analyzing this "mess".

It has been WAY too long since I have felt peace of any kind. I honestly had asked him out of selfishness for a break from it all. Little did I know, it was for the benefit of all four of us. My kids were thrilled to play with their daddy like they used to. You could see the sheer joy on their faces and hear it in their laughs. I was motivated to exercise. I saw my husband smiled more today than I have seen in months. It was uplifting and amazing!

A friend of mine has been telling me to let go and let God, (you know who you are). I did that today. I feel like crying right now because of the days I took for granted. The days before we allowed this corrupt command to affect us, as it so heinously has done.

 If this is happening to us, it sure as hell is happening elsewhere. Therefore, I am choosing to make this conscious effort: I will not allow them, our so called "leaders" at Tripler Army Medical Center, to hurt my family any more!

I am taking a stance against those petty awful cowards who tout themselves as military leaders. I will NO LONGER accept their ignorance of what it means to truly serve America and face the enemy. I will NO LONGER allow their negativity to spread any further than it has.

This stops now!